I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
