I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
