she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
