Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
