it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
