Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
whose ass print is on the piano?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He shit in the fireplace
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
