so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
