Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well you can't waste a boner
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
