you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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