at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
