...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
