can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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