His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
