So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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