someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
