i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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