Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
