butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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