This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
