My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
third nipple confirmed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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