Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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