Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
