i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
