She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
