drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
