lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
