this boner is exhausting
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
