forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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