filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
