She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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