I just threw up on my dentist
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
