Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
