just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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