um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
