I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
