May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
