I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
