Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
