thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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