I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
