Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
