We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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