I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
