Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you still have your period?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
