Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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