I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
