4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We left the knife in your bed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
