So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
