Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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