They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
